


Potter's Porn Problem

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Public Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-06
Updated: 2011-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stop me if you've heard this one... so a former Death Eater and the Boy Who Lived walk into a sex shop...</p><p>Written in celebration of National Porn Sunday!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potter's Porn Problem

“Not Harry Potter, not Harry Potter, not Harry Potter.”

For the tenth time in half as many minutes, Harry checked his reflection in the mirror. Brown hair, hazel eyes, narrow nose, relatively thin lips, and, most importantly, no scar. In short, he looked nothing like himself. Taking one last deep breath, he gathered his courage and stepped out of the loo, left the pub, and headed to the store next door.

He had heard stories of this place, but nothing prepared him for seeing it first hand. Flying high near the ceiling were large blue and pink sperm, their tails wiggling frantically as they raced around the room. A large tree in the corner was decorated with dangling anal beads, chains of cock rings, and dildos of all sizes and colors. Two rabbits humped joyously on a table that was also stocked with lubricants and body lotions. A few naked men and women sauntered about the room, their mouths wide open; it was only when one bumped into him that Harry realized they were dolls. The sound of ecstatic shouts and pleasurable moans echoed throughout the store.

Harry gulped and headed toward the back.

“Would you like a basket?”

A buxom witch in a black G-string and a sheer French maid’s apron pressed up against his body. A basket may have been in her hands, but Harry was too busy trying to avoid eye contact to check.

“No, I don’t think so,” he stammered. “I’ll be right quick.”

“We have some things to help with that too, sugar.” But she released him and walked toward the register, her pert bum offering an intriguing view even for Harry’s very-homosexual eyes. “Call if you need me.”

“Right,” Harry muttered, and continued toward the back. Toys he had. Lube he had. Control? Not an issue. The only thing he didn’t have, however, was a partner. He had discovered, in his past six months of lonely self-pleasure, that he just didn’t get much out of being so self-centered. He wanted somebody to share the joys of sex with. He wasn’t quite willing to go to the route of paying for a partner, and the sex dolls were rather disturbing; however, he was not above paying for a little visual to help him along. He hadn’t had much luck with Muggle porn; they were nice to look at for a while, but he tended to close his eyes while he was masturbating, and then he would forget all about the images, and he’d come realizing he was all alone again. He had higher hopes for Wizarding porn. He heard there were even magazines where the models offered words of encouragement. Harry rather thought he’d like that.

He found the periodical section with relative ease; they were located conveniently by a towering collection of lubricants (Flavored? Oil-based? Natural? Eco-friendly?) and Ever-Warm Cleaning Cloths.

“Let’s see…one of you should work.”

Harry grabbed one at random. _Boys and their Broomsticks_. The bloke on the cover was rather handsome, in a vacant sort of way. And he was bound to be getting some highly uncomfortably splinters given what he was currently doing with his broom…Harry winced and set it back.

The next one, _Wizarding Wands_ , showed a lot more potential. Three very attractive, very muscular men were writhing on a bed. Intrigued, Harry opened the magazine and skimmed through the pages, stopping when he came to a picture of a man who was a dead-ringer for Bill Weasley.

“Hey, gorgeous. I’d love for you to take me home.”

Harry gulped. “Yeah?”

“Mmm, yeah. Want you to fuck me.” Not-Bill stroked his cock languidly. “Want there to be mirrors all around. Want to see you wank yourself so hard. Want you to lick my hole and stretch me with your fingers, and then fuck me…” He groaned. “Ughhh, fuck me…”

Harry closed the magazine quickly, his cheeks flaming. This was closer to what he wanted; less than thirty seconds and he was already set to go. But he didn’t want a Bill look-a-like. Red hair just was not his thing. But black hair…and perhaps a bit older. He didn’t want some Quidditch twink, but somebody more experience...

“Excuse me, would you mind handing me a _Boys and Their Broomsticks_?”

Harry jumped, startled. He grabbed the magazine and turned to hand it to the gentleman behind him. “Here you…oh.”

It was Snape. Severus fucking Snape. The professor of his nightmares and star of all his wet dreams since he was sixteen. And he was in a sex shop, asking for a pornographic magazine, and staring at Harry, who had a massive hard on and was already practically shaking with need.

“Thank you.” Snape took the magazine and flipped through it. “Oh, lovely. Perry Hotter is the centerfold. My lucky day.”

Harry frowned. “Perry Hotter? Doesn’t that sound a bit like – ”

“I imagine that’s the point, isn’t it?” Snape turned the magazine so Harry could see. A man that could have been Harry’s twin was soaping up in a locker room shower, one hand scrubbing his chest and the other fisting his cock.

“Oh, yes,” Perry moaned. “Right there.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little crass?” Harry wanted to be outraged, but he was mostly intrigued, and still rather turned on. Still, he was fairly certain once he came he would be rather perturbed that a porn star was making a living out of looking like him, and more importantly, he knew he would kick himself for not finding out why Snape wanted that particular issue.

“Perhaps, but a shrewd business move. Who does not want to fuck Harry Potter?” There was a predatory gleam in Snape’s eye, his gaze speculative as he watched the man in the magazine masturbate. “I know I would never pass up an opportunity to slam into his arse.”

As if Harry’s cock needed another reason to remind him of his existence…his trousers were so tight now he was afraid he’d come the second he took a step.

“What were you looking at?” Snape asked conversationally.

“I couldn’t quite find what I was looking for,” Harry admitted.

“ _Boys and Their Broomsticks_ not to your taste? I could never understand somebody who didn’t appreciate the fine form a young man who spends his days straddling a broom…his hair so tousled you don’t know if it’s from flying all day or from a recent shag.” He sighed. “Potter, of course, has that look all the time.”

Harry coughed. “Not quite my taste. I prefer an older man, somebody who knows what he’s doing.”

Snape stepped closer and reached a hand behind Harry. For a maddening second Harry thought he was going to kiss him, but then he saw Snape had a magazine in his hand.

“I believe I know of an image that would intrigue you,” Snape said, and opened the magazine to its centerfold. He handed it to Harry and stared expectantly.

Harry could feel his eyes bulge out of his head. That Perry Hotter bloke really got around, and right now he was on his knees sucking the cock of a striking older man with dark hair. The older man had his head thrown back and his fingers gripped Perry's hair as he pumped his prick in and out of his mouth. Harry had half a mind to drop down right now and take Snape’s cock out of his robes and recreate the scene right here and now.

“Why don’t you…Potter?”

Harry gasped. “What do you mean?”

“Take my cock out right now and let me fuck your mouth. I assure you I would not object.”

“But how’d you know it was me? Were you performing Legilimency the entire time?”

“That, and I was in the loo with you as you were assuring yourself you were not Harry Potter. He doth protest too much and all that. Now, are you going to continue pouting that I ruined your disguise, or are you going to get me off?”

Well, when he put it that way… He knelt down on the floor. The illustrations of couples fucking woven into the carpet awoke him to his surroundings. ”But we’re in the middle of the store!”

“It’s nothing they haven’t seen before. Now, suck me!”

Harry reached out and felt Snape’s cock through the fabric of his robes. He was already hard, and Harry could hardly wait to feel it in his hand and in his mouth.

“Wait.” Snape pulled his wand from his robes and pointed it at Harry, who felt his glamour melt away. “I have Harry Potter at my mercy; I intend to see him.”

Harry tried not to let the words get to him, but he couldn’t help but flush with pleasure at the idea that Snape wanted him. He reached for Snape’s cock once again.

“Yes, that’s it,” Snape breathed as Harry first grasped his prick. “I’ve pictured you like this, you know. On your kneels, sucking me. Oh, gods, your tongue…yes, suck me, please, Harry.”

Harry groaned, the feeling of Snape’s cock heavy in his mouth. He could hardly believe he was here, sucking Snape’s cock in the middle of a sex shop, more desperate than he could ever remember being. Still keeping one hand playing with Snape’s balls, he reached down to remove his own leaking prick from his trousers.

“If only you could see yourself,” Snape was saying, his voice a husky rasp. “Stroking yourself as you suck my cock. You need this, don’t you, Harry? Need to suck my cock. Ahh! Harder!”

Harry obliged, sucking and licking for all he was worth. His own climax was rapidly approaching. He wanted to see Snape come first, but at this rate, he wasn’t sure that was a possibility.

“Want to have you like this all the time. Want to take you home and fuck you and let you fuck me. Want to suck your prick and swallow your come.” His thrusts sped up. “Ahh, Harry!”

Harry swallowed Snape’s release greedily. As Snape stood gasping and trying to catch his breath, Harry rapidly stroked himself until he too climaxed. Snape gave him no time to recover and pulled him up to kiss his swollen lips, his tongue darting out to lick up the drops of come that Harry had not managed to swallow.

“Lovely,” he breathed, and kissed Harry again.

Harry held onto Snape tightly, positively sated and luxuriating in the feeling of being embraced by the man he had fantasized about for so long. He was afraid to open his eyes, in case it turned out he was dreaming the entire time.

“If you put your cock back in your pants, we could make ourselves more comfortable in my bed.”

Harry finally opened his eyes. “You were serious?”

“Do I strike you as the type who jokes, Potter?”

Harry grinned. “Can’t say that you do.” He pulled away from Snape, and was pleasantly surprised when Snape gently tucked his cock into his trousers before doing the same with his own. “Ready to go?”

“One second.” Snape walked over to a table Harry hadn’t noticed before. Resting on it was a rather conspicuous camera. Snape dropped a few gold coins into a box next to it. A short stack of papers appeared in his hands. He waved one at Harry, who flushed to see a photograph of himself eagerly sucking Snape while fisting his own cock. “An intriguing visual, wouldn’t you say? You, of course, may borrow them any time you like. We can also take more this evening.”

Harry stared, wide-eyed. Severus Snape was a kinky bastard, and he apparently wanted to be kinky with Harry. It was the last thing Harry ever expected, but he’d be damned if he let his shock paralyze him enough that he couldn’t whole-heartedly enjoy his time with Snape. Finally gathering his wits about him, he went to follow Snape.

“Ah, Potter? Aren’t you forgetting something?” Snape nodded toward the magazines behind them.

Harry grinned and grabbed a copy of every magazine on display.

“Can’t forget the porn.”


End file.
